That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
