Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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