will power is for people who don't want to get laid
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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