I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
