ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
