Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
