I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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