I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
