No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
