He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
