My liver just broke up with me...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
