My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
