matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize