This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize