he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
false alarm. still invincible.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
