I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
