3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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