I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
