forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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