I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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