so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
