Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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