ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
