Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
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