i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
