You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You dont lie about slip and slides
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
