No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
