When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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