remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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