I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
