we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
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Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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