I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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