good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
