In the future we'll all be gay
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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