Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
should my penis look like a turkey
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
