Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Can I color on your dick again?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
