I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
