I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
