I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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