well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
