I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
