I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
