I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
