I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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