Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
