i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
