I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
