I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
