I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
