i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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