dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
