You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
