Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
