...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
