there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
