Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
