the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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