Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
