did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize