my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
