She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
