Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
