When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
