people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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