i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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