I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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