How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
