Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
