i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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