yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
