okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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