So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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