Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
