My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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